Back to the Bottom

Just when I think things are going better - that things are finally looking up - the world offers me a painful reminder that it is a cruel creature.

Today I was let go at my place of work at the law firm. Not saying I didn't see it coming. I mean, I did make a pretty big mistake a few weeks ago, but I have been working SO hard to rectify it; however, my efforts have been wasted. Now I am out of a job based in my career and I feel so lost.

What did I do to deserve the events over the past 4 months? What evil fate has fallen on me?

Help.

Missing

It's times like these when you realize that you miss someone more than you thought. You miss how comfortable you felt with them. The way you fit together when you slept. The way he could make you smile with a simple cheesy look. How he knew exactly what to do to piss you off, but also knew exactly what to say to patch things up. The way you explored interests and ideas, launched inventions and stories. The way you shared a quiet moment. The way he held you. The way he kissed you.

That person is gone, and I miss him.

So much.

At my Wits End

Lately it seems that the world is completely against me. This whole summer has been a type of hell, and I'm wondering when the stress will finally make me collapse. I'm a fighter, yes, but there's only so much fight in a person.

This past week has definitely been a trying time with me in the work world, as well as with my patience. I nearly lost my job as a legal assistant due to one error that just had a domino effect. I couldn't believe me own stupidity in the event, and I take full responsibility. I can understand my employer's frustrations in the matter, and I would completely understand if she had followed through with her initial thought to let me go. The thing is: I'm still learning. I only JUST graduated from college, and our classes didn't cover every single document that I will be processing at work; however, this is no excuse. I should have covered my butt.

Now, I'm looking to enhance my learning in the legal field: personal study, overview of manuals and processes, asking questions, and being patient and thorough with myself.

I know I've said several times to myself (and to others) that I am not in pursuit of a relationship or involvement right now: I'm trying to focus on my career and theatre. That being said, it DOES kind of sting when a person you were involved with previously hands you the 'friend card'. I shouldn't be bummed out about it, but hey, who doesn't get a little upset when they're rejected even in the slightest. Oh well, better fish out there anyways.

Despite the happenings of this whole summer (relationship drama, car damage, moving incidents, job mishaps and anything else you can group with troublesome, depressing, and stressful), I DO have one highlight! I'm on an adventure to get my motorcycle license this week! As soon as that happens, I just pray that D has the patience enough to teach me to be an excellent rider. Can't wait for Black Beauty (BB) and I to let loose on the open road!

Until next time, let's just hope that my Fall will be much better than my Summer. First things first for the fall: Prince George trip with D, as well as reuniting with my cousin and his horses. You have no idea how excited I am.

-B