Back to the Bottom

Just when I think things are going better - that things are finally looking up - the world offers me a painful reminder that it is a cruel creature.

Today I was let go at my place of work at the law firm. Not saying I didn't see it coming. I mean, I did make a pretty big mistake a few weeks ago, but I have been working SO hard to rectify it; however, my efforts have been wasted. Now I am out of a job based in my career and I feel so lost.

What did I do to deserve the events over the past 4 months? What evil fate has fallen on me?

Help.

Missing

It's times like these when you realize that you miss someone more than you thought. You miss how comfortable you felt with them. The way you fit together when you slept. The way he could make you smile with a simple cheesy look. How he knew exactly what to do to piss you off, but also knew exactly what to say to patch things up. The way you explored interests and ideas, launched inventions and stories. The way you shared a quiet moment. The way he held you. The way he kissed you.

That person is gone, and I miss him.

So much.

At my Wits End

Lately it seems that the world is completely against me. This whole summer has been a type of hell, and I'm wondering when the stress will finally make me collapse. I'm a fighter, yes, but there's only so much fight in a person.

This past week has definitely been a trying time with me in the work world, as well as with my patience. I nearly lost my job as a legal assistant due to one error that just had a domino effect. I couldn't believe me own stupidity in the event, and I take full responsibility. I can understand my employer's frustrations in the matter, and I would completely understand if she had followed through with her initial thought to let me go. The thing is: I'm still learning. I only JUST graduated from college, and our classes didn't cover every single document that I will be processing at work; however, this is no excuse. I should have covered my butt.

Now, I'm looking to enhance my learning in the legal field: personal study, overview of manuals and processes, asking questions, and being patient and thorough with myself.

I know I've said several times to myself (and to others) that I am not in pursuit of a relationship or involvement right now: I'm trying to focus on my career and theatre. That being said, it DOES kind of sting when a person you were involved with previously hands you the 'friend card'. I shouldn't be bummed out about it, but hey, who doesn't get a little upset when they're rejected even in the slightest. Oh well, better fish out there anyways.

Despite the happenings of this whole summer (relationship drama, car damage, moving incidents, job mishaps and anything else you can group with troublesome, depressing, and stressful), I DO have one highlight! I'm on an adventure to get my motorcycle license this week! As soon as that happens, I just pray that D has the patience enough to teach me to be an excellent rider. Can't wait for Black Beauty (BB) and I to let loose on the open road!

Until next time, let's just hope that my Fall will be much better than my Summer. First things first for the fall: Prince George trip with D, as well as reuniting with my cousin and his horses. You have no idea how excited I am.

-B

Eviction Notice

Life is always interesting.

Last week (July 31st) I decided to talk to my landlord about a few concerns I had about the agreement, as well as some conduct around the house. Always being the respectful one, I opened a polite discussion about the matter, and he seemed to be willing to make some changes.

My landlord completely mislead me. After working a 13 hour day, I came home to a nasty letter about how I was 'disrupting the harmony of the household', as well as stating many ridiculous things. I couldn't believe it. I decided to ignore it; however, I came home to two more letters the following night (after yet another 13 hour day), and I was livid. There were so many accusations in these letters that I couldn't even stay in the house anymore. I was too afraid I'd lose it with him.

My roommate, bless her heart, has tried to reason with our landlord about the situation. For some reason he listens to her, for the most part. I didn't want to pull her into this mess. I just wanted to see if I could make it more comfortable for the both of us. In retaliation to her attempted mediation, both N and I were served with an eviction letter on August 3rd. She did not deserve to be evicted. She didn't do anything wrong.

Our dear landlord accused me of conspiring with my roommate to move out and ditch our contract. I NEVER stated to N that she should move out with me. She did that all on her own. I really enjoy living with her - eventually we plan to move in together again.

For now, D has offered to let me stay at his place until I can get back on my feet. He is truly an amazing friend. So, the packing begins, the memories continue, and I bid yet another house goodbye. I hope eventually I'll settle down in a house I love with a person I love. One can only hope.

-B

Message in a Bottle

As today is the last day in my formal education, and in particular my education with the Legal Office Assistant program at Camosun College, I was responsible for sending a message to future students of the course! Here's my Message in a Bottle from 2011/2012!

Message in a Bottle

Dear LOA Student:

You are about to embark on an incredible journey and I can only hope that I can provide you with some tools that will help you on your path to becoming a Legal Assistant. This program can open so many doors for you in the professional world and can lead to some amazing opportunities.

I decided to take this program in the 2011/2012 year because I have always had a love for law, as well as a love of supporting those who need an extra hand. The knowledge I received through our wonderful instructors was extremely valuable for me and for future students of the program.

In the Legal Office Assistant program you will experience new challenges. It is extremely important to complete all assigned tasks, not only for the grades, but also for the hands-on practice that will be crucial to your development. Be sure to manage school and home accordingly. Know when the stress level is getting to be too much, and if you are feeling overwhelmed, talk to your instructors. They understand what you’re going through.

Right off the bat, make good connections with your classmates and your teachers. Be willing to ask questions and give feedback on assignments. Keep note of your homework in a planner as well as a detailed schedule of your day – this will instill organizational habits that will be beneficial in your future career.

The courses are here to help! Be attentive and write notes that will help you remember important information. For keyboarding, work on your speed and accuracy. Be diligent. I found it useful to hand write my notes in class and then re-typing them later on; this helped me in practicing my keyboarding, as well as refreshing my memory on what we learned in the class.

For the more involved classes (civil litigation, conveyancing, family law, wills and estates, business law, corporate law, criminal law), learn how to multi-task appropriately. Don’t heap a pile of tasks on your plate. Work through them bit by bit. I found when I got frustrated with conveyancing, I could move onto my tasks in civil litigation to clear my head of mortgage numbers and add a little variety into my day-to-day responsibilities. If you’re stuck on anything, don’t be afraid to collaborate with your classmates – sometimes they can be stuck on the same issues and you can work on it together to figure it out.

Housekeeping is an important aspect of your school year as well. Always make sure you have enough print credits to get a job done. If you run out, it is a possibility to transfer credits from one student to the next. It never hurts to have too many credits! Also, if you don’t necessarily have the capability of lugging your books around in the first and second semesters (the bulk of your courses), be sure to get a locker. It might be good to split the cost with another student and share. That’s completely up to you, though.

The most important thing to remember about this year is that it is conditioning you for the working world; therefore, treat it like a job. Present yourself professionally. Keep on top of your tasks. In the same instance, have fun!

Good luck!

Some Dreams Can Kindly Screw Off

As most people I'm close to know, I don't follow the typical belief. I'm pagan, which means that I'm what people usually call a witch or wiccan. There are SO many superstitions surrounding Wicca that are so annoying. No, I don't fly around on a broom. No, I can't talk to dead people. Yes, I do spells, but only ones that are beneficial for either myself or those that I'm working on. No, I don't do dark magic.

The dark magic thing is getting to me lately. Last night I had a dream that I forced my father's side of the family (VERY christian) to take part in a ritual. This wasn't your typical ritual. It was a dark ritual. I was trying to invoke (or call out) the dark god. Definitely NOT something I would do. In my dream, it was like some strange power was forcing everyone to stay. At the same time, I never completed the ritual because I kept getting interrupted by people and animals walking into the room.

Dreams like this bug me in a way. I swore that I would never even touch the 'grey'. I would simply stay with the good, white magic. There's some subconscious part of me that's pulling me to the dark. Maybe it's the fact that my birth mother, Raven Shadow Moon, (who is also Wicca) likes to walk in the grey. Maybe it's some part of me that isn't good. At all.

I can only hope that my will and my positivity keeps me on the light path.

Until next time, blessed be.

Thoughts on a Matter

Have you ever found that some individuals can take things too negatively, when your intention with what you say/do is the complete opposite?


I'm living this situation right now. D and I have been growing more and more apart. I've been trying SO HARD to fix things. Including him in my life. Letting him know what's going on. It drives me insane when he retorts in negative ways. I'M NOT TRYING TO BE NEGATIVE. I'm trying to improve on things. I wish he'd see that what I did and when I did it was beneficial for the both of us. If I let things continue as it was, if I let it fester, it'd be SO much worse than it is now (not that it could get much worse).


I'm trying to maintain my cool. Trying to understand. I just want things to work. I just want things to get better.

Opportunities on the Horizon

I did it! I got a job in a law firm! Best thing is, this isn't just a job for my work experience portion of my schooling, but it's also a job for AFTER school. It feels like a ton of stress concerning work and school has been lifted. I'm so excited!


Life still has its twists and turns, however. I'm still dealing with time management issues: double-booking, loss of sleep (look at me sitting on the computer at 2 in the morning), over-booking with one job, commercials. My life is absolutely insane right now, and I love it.


I wish that some of my friendships were going better. Due to my loss of time, it's hard to try and work out some issues with a friend (we'll call him D). After a conversation with him a week ago talking about my feelings towards him, and where I thought the boundary line should go, he's been quite withdrawn and distant. D has stated that he values me as a friend, but I just don't know how to go about this sort of situation - it's been years since I had a conversation like this with someone, and last time I stopped talking to the other person for about 3 months. I don't want to do that again.


This world is an interesting one: merciful in some ways (my job), but cruel in others (my conflicts with friendships). Here's hoping fate and the Goddess smile on me.

Metamorphosis of Time

A term is at a close, a new chapter of life is about to begin. My world is such a whirlwind right now: School, work, relationship changes, theatre, and new found friendships. Can I step into the unknown with confidence?


About a month ago today my world came crashing down around my ears. The man I had spent the past year and eight months with started to turn distant, resorting to nasty and uncalled for means of coping with his stress. It turned into explosive fights, unexpected trips to the mainland (for stress relief), and an unaccounted for circumstance of having to move out (in a day, no less). The person I thought was my best friend, who I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life, cut all means of trying to fix things. Granted, it was a two way street. Blame was pushed around, unfair statements were thrown from both sides. It was hard.


Now, life has been taking quite a turn. May 11th was my 21st birthday and the end of a show onstage. The 15th was a huge blow out with the (now) ex. The 21st of May was the finalization of our relationship. On June 2nd, I moved out of the place we leased together, putting myself in a dire financial crisis. Somewhere in there I met a guy who has become very close to me, and I also started a job at one of the local Starbucks.


Metamorphosis is a big thing for me. Change will always happen, but you can't determine what that change will be. You can't control it - it controls you. However, you can plan your life in the idea that change will happen. Your choices can forever set you on your course.


You'll hear more from me. I promise.


- B